I am often , asked, when I found out about the affair did you throw her out etc? well no, it’s not as easy as that is it? Let me clarify, if you don’t have children then it is, but if you are a parent, nope. Through anything like this, you must consider the children. From my own bad experience though, one parent will actually practise that, the other will just do the glory parenting. Glory parenting, means anything you can post to social media that makes you look good.
The impact of when everything came out was immense however, I was massively worried about the kids. Who wouldn’t be? It was my worst nightmare, a broken family. But, as everything came out, I was forced to put on a fake smile most of the time and continue trying to act normal. What we, as parents, perhaps don’t realise is that the children already know something is wrong.
As people began to talk to me about what she had been up to, as did evidence come up that the children knew. They had one outlet for their questions and confusions, and that was their nana. It was from here I found out the kids had been worried for a while about what their mum was doing. Bless them, too scared to speak to me as to not upset me. They are very young too, so impressive that they are already socially aware.
Since that day, I have been forced to bite my tongue and do things I have not wanted to do. I have to include family events in this where normality is the key. However, it is tricky to force back the hatred for someone you used to love, the hatred not for the affair but for being the sole reason out family has broken up.
Only recently have they started staying with her and her other half, in his house. So many questions, which I answer. But you know what, one fatal error on her part was telling the kids they were going to be staying there, and NOT asking what they wanted to do.
I see that one blowing up at some point.
My point in this is though, don’t put off something that isn’t right just because you are worried about the impact on the kids. If the signs have been there, they have seen them. Be the strong parent, the one they look to for ‘security’. This means dealing with your anger and resentment, and answering things honestly.
In short, you have to be an adult.