As a parent, I would never lie to my children. It is important not to do that, and it teaches them a valuable life lesson – in my opinion. However, there is an agreeable difference when it comes to divorce as there are some details that you have to swallow as an adult.
Some questions are easy to answer, an example from my daughter “why do adults get married if they only divorce?”. This is a perfectly acceptable question from a child who has watched her parents spilt up. It’s a tricky one, answered with cliché answers of “sometimes adults just fall out of love, but we still love you very much”
And there is my issue, you simply cannot answer truthfully can you? “Sorry darling, but mummy was naughty and decided she didn’t want us to be a family”. And why can’t you answer this way? Well, quite simply, because children have a perfect view of the world so I am forced to swallow the truth and anger and reply in the most mature way I can.
That’s life isn’t it, you protect the children and their innocence. When it comes to an affair, one adult must always maintain a safe supportive demeaner, whilst the other one waltzes around stating bizarre sentences which only confuse the children. One classic from my ex is:
“mummy and daddy will always love each other, but mummy loves someone else more”.
Brilliant, and I am trying to refrain from sarcasm in my blog, but it is obvious that all questions should be put through me for filtering!
One day, the children will be old enough to demand the answers and they shall receive them. Despite what my ex put me through I will never slate her, as she is their mother. But rest assured, the anger I have for everything will never rest. The kids will then make their own balanced decisions, and I can rest easy knowing I did nothing to influence this.
Tricky being an adult isn’t it?