This is from my experience, but I would welcome comments from other single parents. It is my experience that, despite my ex moving out 3 years ago, I have no power at all.
The first example is this weekend, I was due to have a weekend to myself and had some great plans. But now I am having the children. This is ordinarily fine as I love having my kids, but now I am forced to cancel my plans with little or no notice. This has happened a lot. It infuriates me, her social life continues with nights out, champagne bars, weekends away but what about me? I rarely go anywhere, and if I do it normally gets stitched up.
The cynical amongst you will say “tell her no”. But, how do you do that when it comes to your children? Like I have said before, the children always come first so I suck it up. But how can my life every truly move on? I am destined to remain the children’s security and support until they are 18 whilst their mother enjoys her ‘fabulous’ new life? It would seem so.
Example 2, I did my financial review with my mortgage company as I am still negotiating payment holidays or reduced payments for 2 months. I should say, I have never missed a single payment and don’t intent to, it would have just freed up extra money. Upon the review conclusion, because I have been totally honest with them about the relationship status, I have now moved OUT of the criteria of payment holidays and are no longer eligible. So I then asked how to remove her from the mortgage, again..a different review to see if I qualify. So, I have paid every single solitary bill for 8 years, she has no interest in the property as has lived elsewhere for years but she still has to be included?
Honestly, I am stuck with the spectre of my ex. I am stuck in time while she moves on rapidly.
Do you remember my post about having a plan nobody will back? Well it is still continuing, you are simply not allowed to resolve or improve your situation, it almost makes you wish you had not put anybody’s name on anything. I just feel completely and utterly trapped in multiple financial agreements that she has contributed absolutely nothing towards, but also need her permission to change anything.
This country is so utterly messed up, there is no support at all for single parents or empathy actually. One person moves on whilst the other person struggles with their head barely above water.
Not a happy day today. I just cannot see a way out of all this…