Utterly exhausted

Well, it happened, I collapsed.  Not literally in the street, but when I got home.  I think my mind and body had had enough and decided it was time to take a break.

As you all know, the worry of debt and trying to run a house/looking after my children whilst doing my job has been hard.  Made even harder recently by the constant demands from my debtors.  I do not sleep very well, I rarely do in fact.  I wake far too early and cannot sleep, something I have to resolve one way or another.

Yesterday though, I had to drive over 500 miles in a day for work.  Did it but 100 miles from home I knew I was in trouble, my head was thumping and my eyes hurt.  Stopped for a while but couldn’t wait to get home, which seemed to take an eternity.  The additional hazard of torrential rain didn’t help either as I was forced to concentrate even more.

Finally got home as darkness was setting in, quite literally stumbled through the door.  I think my dog knew I was in trouble as he came straight up to me and nudged me.  It was evident a migraine was coming, only my second ever one.  I could barely stand up.

Made a decision to go upstairs for a lay down, didn’t even bother to get undressed.  The dog followed me, turned the lights out and lay down.  Woke up at 2am!!!  I had laid down at 7.30pm…what the hell happened?  My suit was creased to hell, and the dog was licking my head.  My body was aching and I was utterly exhausted.

I think there comes a point where all the front, effort, and upset takes its toll.  I am glad it happened when I was in on my own too.  Clearly it shows that you need to take time out from everything and relax.  It also demonstrates how constant hounding from people (hmrc) can push you to this brink of shut down.

It’s also very evident that if you are on your own, as in not in a full-time relationship, nobody looks out for you.   I’ve taken it as a wake up call, I need to find a way to recharge although I fear I will never truly relax until my debt is clear.

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3 thoughts on “Utterly exhausted”

  1. So sorry to read this. I had a similar experience recently and when that happens you need to listen to your body. Have you thought about speaking to a debt charity? When everything gets too dark for me I call them or the Samaritians for help.

    I feel silly phoning and always start with “I don’t know why I am phoning and I don’t know what to say but…….” And the words just keep coming. Sometimes you just need to talk and if like me you feel you are like a stuck record to friends etc then just phoning a number and speaking to someone anonymously really helps.

    Good luck!! And enjoy time with the dog. My one is my rock. Without her I don’t think I would have got this far.

    Liked by 1 person

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