1 more day of 2014

One more day, a day where all the fireworks go off and people go into the streets to celebrate.  But, celebrate what?  Who knows what the new year will bring?  Are we celebrating the end of the previous year or the possibility of something great on the pending year?  For me, I have the children but I will be silently celebrating the end of a horrible year.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been some nice achievements.  A lot of debt has been cleared (still loads left sadly), some personal goals realised too.  My divorce was finally complete after her deliberately ignoring letters for years.  In the most part, despite personal and emotional trauma, it has been more successful than not.

I do not normally celebrate new years eve, in my opinion I think it is a little pointless.  I think the night is largely reserved for the younger generation, hell I used to go out every year to the nightclubs with friends.  Seriously though, I intend to make big things happen in 2015 so possibly I will be bouncing around like a leprechaun next December 31st.

I think my biggest lesson learned from 2014 is to let people in.   I spent so many years desperately trying to get out of the debt, trying to manage my ex, and trying to be a father.   This year I started to tell people about the debt and they helped, I should have done this sooner.  The other key lesson, and 2nd biggest, was to stand up for myself.  I don’t mean school playground stand up for yourself, I mean say No to people instead of trying to please everyone all the time.   You really can’t do that, please everyone, no matter how much you try.  Thus I learnt to pick which people to respond to, and chose to completely shut my ex out of my world.

2014 has also been the year where the children share homes, this was the biggest emotional hit.  I found it devastating for them, and myself.  It was so hard, but at this stage it has become better.  This is great for them, but I still resent this practise on a weekly basis.  It does give me badly needed adult time though, so not a total disaster.

Enough of 2014, onto 2015.  I have placed a couple of posts up with some of my plans but I do have very definite ideas for this new year.   I will be starting the new year in a field metal detecting, I figure it is good luck to do that, we shall see!   The house is also changing, not majorly but gradually it becomes more my own.   Few other personal goals but the major one remains to clear the debt completely.

This quote is apt:

“What can be added to the happiness of a man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience?”
-Adam Smith

Happy new year everyone, I hope 2015 brings you happiness.  To all my readers but a little extra luck to the people who are struggling with divorce/infidelity, those in debt, and those who are unhappy.  Try and move your life forwards a little, I have learnt nobody can do it for you.

Manyana.

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Christmas is done again

Christmas is over for another year, thank God.   I used to really love Christmas, it was my favourite season, but since the family breakup I do not enjoy it at all.  However, it is for the kids and that is what makes it worth it.  Or……it was until this year.

Christmas day meant the visit of the ex and her father to spend the day, I could put up with this as it is, well, Christmas.   The day went ok, and I managed to get her to leave at 4pm so not so bad.  I was left thinking it may not have been as bad as I suspected it might be.  The kids seemed happy and it was all over with no bad feeling.

And then we had boxing day.  The kids went to the ex’s house, and I phoned them the next morning.  It was on this call that I discovered an alternative Christmas day had occurred with her father and sister at her new place.  A new pile of gifts for the children, some tagged from the ex and her partner.  Here are the issues I am massively cheesed off by this.

Firstly, this was very deliberately planned behind my back.  Her dad has always been very honest with me but this time not, it was sly and dishonest but I have got used to it with her family.  Nobody had the respect to tell me what was going on, and She had no respect at all to discuss getting gifts for MY children from her and her partner.  For me, this should have been discussed.  My children receiving gifts from another man (I use that word loosely) is something that should be agreed upon, my daughter doesn’t even like him.

I have said that in 2015 things need to change, so I am taking this as one final hit.   I sucked it up as usual only this time my ex is well aware of my anger because I didn’t show it.  I just went quite and held her stare, she actually looked quite scared.  She started with the usual sentence of “it isn’t what you think” but anyone else who has been through this will know that actually it IS exactly what I think.

Moving forwards, the positivity will not be affected by this.  I need and will be looking after number 1 and things like this will have to roll off me I guess.  I will go with everyone’s advice that her time will come, I do so hope it does.

Roll on New Year, I have plans for you.

December has prompted decisions

I was already thinking of how I can make 2015 better, but this month has forced my hand early.  It has been an exceptional month for me thus far.  5 competition wins, some more debt clearance and I have won Employee of the Year at work.  Some may well sneer at this but remember I have only been there since June and took a massive gamble and large pay cut to take the job.  I took this job as it offered a better future and more time at home.  To win this is massive for me, the high point of anybody’s career surely?

Anyway, I digress…

All these positive outcomes have pushed me to make a number of other decisions.  Firstly, social media.  I have a lot of my ex-wife’s family and friends on facebook.  Largely as I get on with them all and they have always been completely respectful to me.   I contacted a number of them and explained that it was time for us to go our own ways (I failed to mention I was a little tired of my life being tracked by my ex via her friends and family) and that I would be removing them as friends.  I received some fantastic replies back, her family were always lovely that it amazed me that my ex was such a nasty piece of work.   Removing that side of my life was step 1.

Step 2 was my hobby, metal detecting.  I have been very successful at this and set up a group three years ago, this group that has been brilliant to work with and we have made some really superb finds. Sadly, recently, a few of them have secured permissions off the back of existing farms, this is a no go and a lack of respect.  I have also found I am very successful on my own, so rather than share the spoils in the future I have handed the group over and resigned.  The reason for this lies somewhere else too, for years and years I have been known for doing things for others, it’s always “he is a great guy”, “you always do some much for people” etc.  However, I have come to realise that waiting for Karma to pay you back may take some time so I need to make my own success.  I have found this the hard way this year, if I look after number 1 and pursue ideas off my own back I seem to do very well.   So, for this, I am going it alone.

I am still going to be the same guy, happy to help but only for general things.  I am not going to go the extra mile to make people happy.  2015 is all about me looking at ways to be successful, but using my own devices.  I find it you keep yourself and your ideas to yourself, they are more likely to happen.

The final step is to remove my ex wife from all the remaining bills and records, this seems to be the hardest step.  Hard from the point of view that is notoriously difficult to remove someone from any joint administration, due to the large amount of forms and evidence needed.  I suspect that it would actually be easier to change my own identity!  Either way, 2015 will see her eradicated from all house records.

You hit a point in your life where you simply have to stop being Mr Dependable to everyone else and start looking at fixing your own world.   When I am where I need to be, and I have a very clear plan and goal, then I may be that man again.  Not many people have helped me through all of this nightmare which did me a favour I think.  I can look at what I have achieved and know I did it on my own.

2015 is going to be a very good year, something big is around the corner, I can feel it.

HMRC are a total disgrace

Unbelievable, despite me filing for Insolvency 6 weeks ago the HMRC continue to harass me.  Not only harassing me but now at an increased rate.  Again, floods of those brown envelopes demanding immediate payment of corporation tax, then 3 phone calls in 1 hour.  I am not supposed to talk to them but I didn’t recognise the number.

10 minute heated argument with another unbelievable rude woman at the HMRC.  Here are the summary points:

1) Our department is not aware of the Insolvency – absolute and utter crap, they have had all the notifications and didn’t bother turning up at the creditor meeting.

2) You pay £18,000 by 8pm tomorrow or we begin legal proceedings – Good, do that.  Your solicitor will check Companies House and see the company is insolvent, thus proving my point

3) You MUST provide us with court reference numbers – no I don’t actually, the HMRC already has all of that, hence the creditor report.  “That department has not informed us so we want the numbers right now” – NO, talk within yourselves.

4) We will send debt collectors – Try it, you are breaking the law.

5) Sir, you are avoiding paying us by lying – Pardon me?  you have had no less than 15 letters, 3 invites and 2 meetings on the Insolvency.  The HMRC have already signed the forms and returned them.  “That isn’t our department”

now me…”You are not permitted to contact me, you must only deal direct with my Insolvency firm”. – rejected by the woman, we can only deal with you now are you paying us or not? – NO P1SS OFF.

** hung up **

What an utterly disgraceful call, just like I have said multiple times before.  They are utter bullies, rude, insensitive and totally unable to communicate within their own company.  You are constantly spoken to like utter garbage and made to feel like the lowest of the low.  How dare they?

I hate them, I hate them with an utter passion.   Everyone I have ever spoken to is vile.

This wil totally kick off in court very soon because if they continue to violate this agreement I will be taking them to court for prolonged harassment.

What a day eh?

Debt update

Hi all

I thought it was good timing to bring you an update on my current debt situation.  We have spoken often about what has  happened but I have never produced my results.  For anyone else in severe debt who has been following this debt, my hope is that it will serve as an inspiration.

What you need to remember is that however much pressure you are under, from fear and creditors, it is important to still pay what you can.  I have managed to do this all year, even if it meant a week of eating beans on toast!  Anyway, I digress, here below is the progress report.

Debt/Loan         Start of 2014                  End of 2014

Car loan            £3800                             £1700

Personal Loan  £1000                             £150

Personal Loan  £1200                             £740

Tax Debt           £39,400                         £3850  (this is non company tax debt, as in not what was written off)

H/owner Loan   £1800                            £0

Total cleared this year: £39,780

I think you will agree that is a superb effort, and it has left me with hardly anything but I am confident that 2015 will see me debt free.  Obviously I had to give up and go insolvent for the company debt, which is a separate £24,000 but I cannot take credit for clearing that.

Added on the debt is £1700, which is the amount left to pay for the insolvency.  This is not a debt currently, more of a bill to pay within the next 2 months.

When I read my own figures, it pleases me.  It is a hell of a struggle, getting out of debt.  It involves tears, stress, discipline, admin, shame etc.   The point is, I will get there.   I hope you all will too.

Lucky Streak!

What an interesting week, been travelling a lot but coming home to exciting mail.  5 competition wins in 7 days, yep…5.  Not cheap ones either, a nice cash win (only my second ever) being one of the wins.  Also the 2 Kindles and now 2 juicers!  One of the juicers is worth £170, but no place in my home for it so ebay it will end up on.

This is an unusual turnaround but emphasises what I have said many times before, you can go months winning nothing then you get a flood!  There is no reason for it, just pure luck of the draw!   The little cash win was a nice pre-Christmas boost, and one of the juicers is black which matches my kitchen sides so a good fit!

It is always a bonus to win the things you either wanted or can sell, especially if of high value!   All the evening hours of entering these competitions make it so worth it.  I truly think all the wins have made a difference to my finances, but also to the outward appearances of my lifestyle.   Anytime that I can add something nice and posh to my home, without buying it, makes me look more successful in other people’s eyes.   I know we shouldn’t care what people think, I never used to but ever since the spectre of debt I have been oh too aware of people’s opinions!

The important thing – say nothing.   Nobody needs to know about these wins, just get on with placing them in your home or selling them.   It is all about self-improvement, and I myself made the effort to win these things by the hours of filling out forms.  Makes a change from filling our financial forms I guess!

December is a big month for competitions, so many Christmas and advent competitions.   Easily 4 times as much effort needed but the rewards are higher.  Anyone else struggling, give it a go.   Never get disheartened either, you will win.  The law of averages decides that for you.   If you can afford a laptop and broadband, nothing can stop you.

Hopefully the lucky streak will continue on, makes a nice change to be honest.

Week of illness

What a nightmare week, health wise.  I have not been this ill in years, total and utter wipeout.   Flu like symptoms with the additional joy of severe stomach stickness and fluctuating body temperature.  One minute roasting hot, the next shivering under 3 blankets.  Add to that not eating in over 40 hours and virtually no appetite after that..yep, I look great this week!

It started with my son, he had it first but seemed to have gotten rid of it.  When it was kicking in with me I knew it was going to be a bad one!   By some luck, the kids were due to stay at the ex’s house from midweek and this proved to be a superb piece of timing.  Had I had them, I would have had to have sent them away, I had no strength whatsoever.   Consequently, I have had my first sick days in 3 years.

This actually highlights perfectly what a great decision it was to take a permanent role.  Previously I was self employed of course, any days missed meant no pay.  This time, that was not the case.  Backlog of work yes, but no loss of anything else.

This week has not been a total right off.  2 more pieces of financial good news, one from a competition win (yes another one) and one from an admin error from 2010.   The competition win was a cheque for £150 received from a competition win, only the second time I have ever won actual cash, always nice though as it goes straight into your bank account.   Then, yesterday, I got a letter from my mortgage company stating 2 letters, that I had received in 2010, had the wrong information meaning they had been fined by the financial institute.   Consequently, £760 has been knocked off my mortgage balance.  Not a fortune but almost a month’s mortgage payment and I will never grumble about owing less, be it £760 or £7.60!

One minor setback this week is that I have noticed my backdoors are rattling.  No, that is not a euphemism!!   I mean the locks have dropped slightly on the glazed doors so they rattle in the wind.  Luckily a minor repair but the £150 won should cover it.

Hopefully be back to full fitness next week.  As expected, I received little help from the ex but that is nothing new.  What is emphasises again is how hard it is being a single parent, all is well when you are ok but if you are under the weather then things start to get tough.

As a parent you get on with it.

Odd but apt horoscope

Need to make something very clear right off the bat, I rarely read horoscopes as I think they are too generic.  However, I happened to log into yahoo and this was on the home page.  I am a Gemini, but how specific and apt is this????

Horoscopes Yahoo Celebrity

·         Gemini

21/5-21/6

It will be difficult to get a loan or additional line of credit. You’ll have to do the best you can with existing funds. Saving money will take time, so be patient. Fortunately, there are some exciting career opportunities ahead. By pursuing a high profile position, you’ll be able to earn the money for a hefty deposit. Working in a glamorous industry will bring out the best in you. You’ll enjoy all the creative challenges such a job affords.

Thought it was amazing that it mentioned loans, credit and savings and a good job.  Like I said, I don’t follow horoscopes but this was worth sharing.  Of course it is only apt to me, to most other people it would mean nothing.  Shows you how you read into things.

For me, getting a loan or credit is not just difficult but impossible!  My credit history is shot to pieces but that is a blessing in disguise as I don’t want any loans.  I am doing well to clear my debt, managed to pay off another £600 this month.  Soon I will be back to zero and start again.  I say soon, about 2 years I think.

That will be a good day, the day I am ‘debt free’!

I should wish for things more often!

Many of you who read yesterday’s post may have noticed this line:

Still hopeful some of these competition entries pay off, haven’t won anything notable for a while.

This morning I opened an exciting email, I won not one but TWO Kindle Paperwhite e-readers.  How awesome is that?  I wanted a Kindle for ages but couldn’t afford one as you know, now I have 2!   Ordinarily I would sell an expensive prize but you know what?  I am keeping one and have given one to a very good friend of mine.  She is a single mum and has had a torrid time of it at the moment, awaiting redundancy and panicking about Christmas.  She can now give her son a Kindle.

From all the advice I have given, entering competitions is so worth it.  I have won some great prizes, some useful prizes, some expensive prizes and of course fun prizes!   It is odd I mentioned yesterday I hadn’t won for a while and then 2 at once.  Not just that fact, but I prize I really wanted!  No more boring train journeys for me.

It is always nice to win something on the 1st of the month too, gives you that push to enter loads more!  December is a great competition month, ten times more than normal due to advent competitions.

I hope to update you with further wins soon!