neglected blog

I envy you bloggers, how do you find the time to do an update every single day?  I started off that way, but the demands of real life have taken over so much since the start of December that this blog has become neglected.

I felt like deleting it actually but I put so much into it that I decided against it, I intend to get back into it more though.  Thing is, what do you do?  Everyone needs an outlet, believe me I want one.  That is the beauty of a blog, a chance to tell the world what is happening without showing your face.

Where are we now?  well, work has been ultra busy and I have had the children more due to the ex continuing her ridiculous home life.   They have more questions, as expected, which I have answered and continued to make them feel safe.  But, with the long work hours and also being a single father there are just not enough hours to sit down and blog.

Been a tough start to 2015 financially too, couple of unexpected bills but you all know I am well used to that!  However, good news, I will be getting my work bonus at the end of March, this will make major inroads into the debt total.  I am desperate to clear it all this year, and desperate to just have my wages and the usual bills.  ‘Tis the dream.

No competition win for 5 weeks either, until yesterday.  Some expensive golf equipment, I hate golf but my brother is very good and loves the sport/hobby.  That is his birthday present sorted then, see how winning things saves you money?

Anyway, the blogging will pick up again.  You have my word!

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time to get on the road

What a busy week, work wise.  Driven over 800 miles and stayed in another hotel, but saw some beautiful scenery.  If you ever visit the UK, I recommend the Pennines.  Beautiful mountain range between Sheffield and Manchester and a pleasurable 22 mile drive.  Apart from the sheer drop on the side of the road that is!

Importantly, it was time away from drama.   She has moved back in with him now and they are working through it, but this causes issues for the kids which I am monitoring obviously.  Instead of dealing with though, it was nice to be away.   Utterly cold up north, but miles from home and just myself.

January has started off so busy with work, everyone wants to plan 2015 which is why I am out and about.  This happens sometimes and I cannot complain.  It dusts off the cobwebs a bit and gives you some peace and quiet.  Sadly, it also caused an unwanted financial burden.  I managed to hit some debris on the way back, hit a tree branch which had blown onto the road from the gales last week.   Quickly obvious something had happened to the car as I had a small vibrate on the steering wheel.  Took it into a garage and I had damaged front tyres, joy.  £150 later….cheers then!

Probably the best time of year to get them done though as it is now winter and snow continues to threaten the UK!

I do need to make use of my working from home contract though and trust my team more, but sadly I take a lot of pride in my work and my team’s performance so I like to check on certain aspects.   However, it does leave me tired so I will make changes.

On a personal level, I continue to make minor admin changes here and there.  I have posted off my final will and testament now too.  This is not as morbid as you think, I have just removed the ex-wife completely from anything if I am removed from this earth!   Now, everything is left to the kids with my parents as guarantors.   This is a sensible move I think, and yet another financial move on my part.

I think all the lessons I have learnt have taught me to bargain, I often query renewal quotes and bills and most of the time they have been reduced forthwith.  This goes back to driving a lot and being away, it gives you time to evaluate situations.

One day there will be no more situations to evaluate, only situations to savour.

Utter Chaos

Well, I have been a little quiet haven’t I?  I will tell you why, it is the car crash that is my ex wife that sadly blew our lives apart again.

It all started last Sunday evening with a phone call at 9.30pm from her stating she had to bring the kids back to me as it had all ‘kicked off’.  Completely over the moon as I got the kids back for an extra evening!   They arrived back at 10pm, quiet and tearful so I realised something big had happened but didn’t push it.  Hugs and kisses, then put them to bed before retiring too.

11pm the home phone rang but I didn’t get there quick enough but no message was left on the answer phone so I went back to sleep, until midnight when my mobile rang.  It was her, in a police car, on the way round to mine.   Yes, to my house.   10 minutes later she was at the door clutching multiple black bags and flanked by two police officers.   Apparently this was the only place she could go and her name was on the mortgage so it was still her legal residence.

We move on, stay with the story guys.

In a 20 minute summary, it transpired that an argument had started around the children.  As this was escalating, his children were dropped home and mine came back too (as you know) so they could continue the discussion indoors.  This discussion turned into an all out fight which is where the police became involved, and she was subsequently thrown out by her partner, who also took her car keys.  He was then arrested apparently.

What a pleasant environment that must have been.  So, what to do?   She was now on my sofa and I had to get up at 6am for work, so I let it slide.

Over the course of this week I have watched the inevitable unfold, of her slagging him off and involving her friends to forgiving him and then (I am guessing here) moving back in.

This is the story, but the point isn’t to highlight what I have to deal with it is to highlight what I will have to deal with imminently.  It is even more obvious that I need to get her off the mortgage by raising the 10K needed.   I signed up to the credit expert site and nervously checked my credit rating.  Avid readers will know I was rated Poor previously, but now it is has moved to Fair.  Don’t scoff though guys, a rating of ‘Fair’ is a massive improvement for me and testament to how much debt I have cleared.

Anyway, that rating is great for me trying to remortgage in June.   I have to get her off this property so that when it happens again I can legally turn her away.  This may sound harsh but I cannot have her continually causing havoc in my life, and the kids.  This latest episode just prompts the need to do anything I can to get clear of her totally, all bar the kids of course.

What a nightmare eh?  Caused even more upset for the children as well….her life really needs to be removed from mine.  The cynics will ask how I was ever married to her……………..

I don’t even remember why.

Solicitor needed again

New Year, same rubbish.  A little while ago My ex started receiving letters from the HMRC (it makes a nice change for them not to be addressed to me!) about her benefits.  I know this as it is stamped on the top of the envelope, I didn’t open the mail.  I suspected this meant she was being investigated for fraudulent claims, as they were being made using my home address and of course she moved out 2 years ago.

I smirked at the time but with trepidation.  Any financial loss to her would mean she would turn to me, as has always been the case.  Our arrangement, since the divorce was finalised, has not involved me paying her anything, namely as she cohabits and I pay for everything for the children.  She pays for clothes etc but ones that stay at her address, so I don’t pay for them.  Now, my lovely ex, has decided now she will be hundreds of pounds worse off each month I should be paying her maintenance.

Luckily, I have been expecting this to surface at some point so I am well prepared to fight my battle.  Chiefly, the fact that she pays NOTHING towards the house that still bears her name, and nothing towards any bills for it or the children.  There are many other factors to include, but they would bore you.

Sadly, this means a solicitor.  More money to pay out, I am always paying out one way or another.  I am hoping to call her bluff before it gets as far as legal entities but knowing her she will push it.   I am reasonably confident she doesn’t have a leg to stand on but should the worse happen and I have to pay her money (for what I have no idea as I am the primary parent) it will actually finish me off.

As you all know, I have done very well with the debt and budgeting with any spare cash.  If this spare cash is then removed, and this is no exaggeration here, I will be left with absolutely nothing.

I am not going to stand for it though, I will fight and delay anything that I have to.  I am sick of her attracting money and swanning around taking from people, it simply has to stop at some point.   The problem with someone who always gets what she wants is she never expects to lose.  She may get a shock with this one.

My children are well looked after and want for nothing, they live in a nice home and have been shielded from her affair and walking out, and from my financial despair.  They are happy, healthy children and I have been on my own with them for 4 years being the solid base.  Sadly, she fails to recognise this, no shock there, it is ALWAYS about what she feels she is entitled to.  Let’s be honest, she works 2 days a week for her boyfriend.  She could easily get off her arse and get a proper job but then why would she?  She gets a free house, no bills or debt left and a 13K car to drive around in.

Nope, I am not rolling over on this one nor will I raise my voice and get angry about it.  I am going to remain perfectly calm and take care of everything in the background.  She really hates it when she is not in control.

It would be nice to start this year with a win for me and for her life to start to take a downward turn.