Tag Archives: appearances

Am I allowed to be smug?

Well now, it seems like my ex-wife is having a hard time of it at the moment with some bad luck.  So, do I act smug or not react at all?  Is this where we battle with Karma?  I have been waiting for a long long time for Karma to pay her a visit, but if I gloat am I inviting Karma to come back for me?  Tricky one isn’t it?

Sod it, I’m going to allow myself a wry smile.

Lest we forget what I have been put through by her, and then all the other personal nightmares I have had.   At some point everyone who has been wronged secretly hopes for some sort of retribution?   It doesn’t have to be anything major but something is good.

Over the last week she has had some a couple of bits of bad news/luck.  Nothing to do with me of course, I don’t tend to meddle in people’s lives.  The timing is not good of course, we are now in the Christmas countdown so any unnecessary, unexpected expenses are unwelcome.  I, more than most, know the stress of those little unwelcome financial surprises.   It is nice though that it is her, and not me, on the receiving end.

Those who follow the blog will, hopefully,  understand my attitude, new followers please read from the very beginning.  Whether Karma exists is debatable, perhaps life just catches up with people in it’s own time.   I am not exactly sure what I believe but I do know that I believe that we are on a path, but the steps are never set in stone (pardon the pun).   Depending what decision you make, your life takes the appropriate turns.  Make enough effort to cope with bad times, and the good times come back. Equally, if you continue to coast through life, treating people like garbage, then at some point you hit a bad turn.  I think, actually I hope, this is one of hers.

It is her turn to struggle a little bit, and I am ok to be smug.  Each week I chip away at the debt, and try my hardest to improve my life through effort and research.

Isn’t it strange, someone you once said that you would love forever you now cannot stand?   But, if you take enough hits from them then sadly that love is broken down.

Her time has been coming, is it now my time to shine?

I truly hope so.

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Irritants after a break-up

Why am I writing this post today, well my ex broke protocol when it comes to social media.  We have a rule on Facebook where we do not put images of new partners on there, it offends family members and upsets the kids.  This is not an issue for me as I have remained single but my ex is still with the guy she cheated with.  Up until last night that rule stayed in place,  but today a Halloween party shows them together and lots of comments about them.  This is the usual middle finger in the air to everyone.

The agreement was, from my family and I to her, that if (when) it happened we would remove her and thus this will now happen.  There will be the usual rants and raves and excuses on how they have accidently appeared, but sadly we have heard it all before.

This is the final straw, you see I am very respectful.  I do not slate her in public and prefer to stay out of conversations about her.  I have also stayed out of the many many situations where people have wanted to get hold of her, these are the previous friends she has stitched up, partners of men she has approached and so on.

I mention irritants, there are so very many.  The biggest one for me is the total failure by Karma to punish her in any way for the multiple wrong doings.  I am not aiming for a beat up session here, but these are actual facts.  She is well known as a compulsive liar and a master maniplulator, and has no disregard for who she hurts.  Don’t get me wrong, people always get the tears and “I’m so sorry” but sadly it has all been heard before.   Hence, Karma…time to step up.

But, what is a massive irritant to me this time is her band of friends.  You see, when the affair came out and everything else she had done also came out, she lost all bar a couple of friends.  Somehow she latched onto a new band of younger girls who seem to worship her.  They clearly see her and her guy as a nice couple but right here is the kicker, they all know the history of what they both did?  What he did to his family was similar by the way.  Being as all those new found friends are married you would think even one of them would think it morally wrong?  It appears not.

Why does this actually irritate me?  Well, there is a pattern you see.  Every few years she causes a near nuclear bomb explosion everyone drops her, and she starts again.  It has happened at least 3 times since I have known her.  It irritates me that she can move on like that but, as stated above, she somehow manipulates the situation for them to feel sorry for her.  It is an astonishing skill, one I would love to intervene in.  I would love to turn up at one of the many ‘girlie nights’ and say “hold on, what she has told you is utter rubbish and here are ten people who will tell you differently to her story”.

So this is why I want life to pay her back, I am simply amazed she just moves on and people love her!    How come I have to struggle why she moves onto another life of luxury where she pays absolutely nothing towards it?  She is the mother of my children so I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I would absolutely LOVE to see her publically ousted by someone.  This may sound cruel but why does nobody from her new group stand up and think hold on, this girl wrecked 2 families and she is sat her dining at my table.

I really struggle to understand it.

I try hard not to judge people, when I meet people with a past I try to understand it but this is different.  It is a trend, it has happened many times and so many people have been hurt by her.  If a queue formed it would snake around the block!

Not often I have a rant but at some point it would be nice to sit back and smirk.   Who else wouldn’t want to?  When someone cheats you want to see them fail from that point on, not  to sit back and watch their life get better!

I just felt like getting this off my chest.

A kindred spirit in an old friend

Isn’t it strange how life goes?  A while back I was back in contact with a very good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen for almost 10 years.  Caught up with her a few times but last night I got a text asking if I fancied a chat later.

Firstly, you should all know, she knows nothing of my situation.  Why would she, after all I took years to tell my own family so I certainly wouldn’t have told her!  Anyway, I digress..

So what was the chat about, well it was an emotional one.  It is lovely that someone considers you worthy of enough to chat about their worries, and get your opinion.  The chat was about money, more so the financial hardship she was experiencing.  It was like hearing my own story, but a story I should have told.

The words about hardly having any money left, worried how she will support her children, living on the edge.  Words I know so very well.  For me, she chose the perfect person to speak to as I can offer my tips on making money last, how to increase your funds, all legally of course.  Simple methods..

But then, after we spoke for a while, I confessed my story.  Even though my debt and financial troubles eclipsed hers it still gave her a perspective that her situation isn’t a loss.  In fact, to me it sounds like a milestone I want to hit!   Yes, I know that sounds really odd, but her figure is way under mine!

Do you know what this highlights?  You feel so totally alone but, in reality, there are so many people in the same position.  It’s a shame there isn’t a big door somewhere that you can knock on, and when it opens you say “Hello everyone, I am really in trouble and I need someone to listen who won’t judge me”, and there are hundreds of people in the same boat.  Debt makes you feel so alone, it really does.

The problem is that so many doors are already closed before you try them, like banks and loan companies.  Perhaps the old friend getting in touch, and wanting to get advice on a similar problem is a sign to keep going.  A sign you can ask for help, and to invite people in.

Or, karma wise, if I have offered help then something good will come my way.  If I could afford a lottery ticket I would have bought one!

All you need is love….and money

There is no getting around it, making a family and supporting it is expensive.  More so than I ever imagined actually, made a bit more difficult by me pretty much paying for everything.  A lot of that approach was expected, it is generally the man of the house who provides.  And I did provide, but the demands of life and constant unexpected bills assisted with the debt build up.

As the debt built, the more I hid it.  I say hid it, I was actually paying it off but it led to less and less spare money to play with.  My wife noticed this lack of funds, generally as I couldn’t get things when they were wanted (which was asap in most cases) and I had no real answers to where the money was.   Sadly, we never got around to speaking about it as she had moved on to the affair, claiming the money worries were a catalyst.  I dispute this, any normal couple would speak about it, not start an affair but I digress.

My children are close in age, having two in nursery at the same time, then in school is hard.  Both require the same things, from clothes to toys.  Holidays are expected, but these are such a ridiculous amount of money outside school terms that I could only manage one.  And, if you readers will recall, I was self-employed so if I went away, I didn’t get paid!  Oh the Catch22, you take a break to forget the money worries but actually create a worse one!  What I did, if a tip was needed was book it on week 5 of a 5 week pay month, so in effect I only got 4 week pay cheques each month.  The point of the 3 (average) 5 week pay days a year is it gives you additional funds to pay something off.  However, I never saw the benefit.

I guess you want your partner, and children, to see you as a hero and a success.  I did manage to provide everything but suffered myself, there were some weeks when I worked away I survived on beans on toast and Chipsticks each day so there was money in the account at home.  I just needed money for fuel.  I took that hit because I was too ashamed to admit the HMRC debt and spiralling credit card debt.

Here is a real shocker, in the time of the marriage I actually paid off my wife’s credit cards!!!  You see, it is all part of the front I am afraid.  You try and do things for people, to appear normal, but in reality you are in massive trouble.  I carried on paying everything because I thought she would leave out of shame, but as it pans out she left anyway hence it irritates me that I was so affluent to keep her happy and content. 

The divorce added to the debt, but not directly.  I was quoted £1500, but my ex wife delayed it so much it cost £4500.  Now you can’t buy a divorce on credit now can you so I had to somehow free up that money from my pay.  How I could have put that money to better use though, at least one loan would be cleared.

There is a silver lining here, I never missed a mortgage payment or bill.  Even if it meant selling my things or super scrimping, I paid everything.  I paid everything except the actual debt.  Like I said, the façade continues.

I also have my children, even if I have nothing I am a father.  Debt or no debt, that still makes me a rich man.