Tag Archives: betrayal

Irritants after a break-up

Why am I writing this post today, well my ex broke protocol when it comes to social media.  We have a rule on Facebook where we do not put images of new partners on there, it offends family members and upsets the kids.  This is not an issue for me as I have remained single but my ex is still with the guy she cheated with.  Up until last night that rule stayed in place,  but today a Halloween party shows them together and lots of comments about them.  This is the usual middle finger in the air to everyone.

The agreement was, from my family and I to her, that if (when) it happened we would remove her and thus this will now happen.  There will be the usual rants and raves and excuses on how they have accidently appeared, but sadly we have heard it all before.

This is the final straw, you see I am very respectful.  I do not slate her in public and prefer to stay out of conversations about her.  I have also stayed out of the many many situations where people have wanted to get hold of her, these are the previous friends she has stitched up, partners of men she has approached and so on.

I mention irritants, there are so very many.  The biggest one for me is the total failure by Karma to punish her in any way for the multiple wrong doings.  I am not aiming for a beat up session here, but these are actual facts.  She is well known as a compulsive liar and a master maniplulator, and has no disregard for who she hurts.  Don’t get me wrong, people always get the tears and “I’m so sorry” but sadly it has all been heard before.   Hence, Karma…time to step up.

But, what is a massive irritant to me this time is her band of friends.  You see, when the affair came out and everything else she had done also came out, she lost all bar a couple of friends.  Somehow she latched onto a new band of younger girls who seem to worship her.  They clearly see her and her guy as a nice couple but right here is the kicker, they all know the history of what they both did?  What he did to his family was similar by the way.  Being as all those new found friends are married you would think even one of them would think it morally wrong?  It appears not.

Why does this actually irritate me?  Well, there is a pattern you see.  Every few years she causes a near nuclear bomb explosion everyone drops her, and she starts again.  It has happened at least 3 times since I have known her.  It irritates me that she can move on like that but, as stated above, she somehow manipulates the situation for them to feel sorry for her.  It is an astonishing skill, one I would love to intervene in.  I would love to turn up at one of the many ‘girlie nights’ and say “hold on, what she has told you is utter rubbish and here are ten people who will tell you differently to her story”.

So this is why I want life to pay her back, I am simply amazed she just moves on and people love her!    How come I have to struggle why she moves onto another life of luxury where she pays absolutely nothing towards it?  She is the mother of my children so I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I would absolutely LOVE to see her publically ousted by someone.  This may sound cruel but why does nobody from her new group stand up and think hold on, this girl wrecked 2 families and she is sat her dining at my table.

I really struggle to understand it.

I try hard not to judge people, when I meet people with a past I try to understand it but this is different.  It is a trend, it has happened many times and so many people have been hurt by her.  If a queue formed it would snake around the block!

Not often I have a rant but at some point it would be nice to sit back and smirk.   Who else wouldn’t want to?  When someone cheats you want to see them fail from that point on, not  to sit back and watch their life get better!

I just felt like getting this off my chest.

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An affair need not break you

I started blogging for my own reasons but naively I never realised the impact a blog has.  People follow your blog to see your journey, where you came from, why you are here and to join you in where you end up.  They follow you because there is an aspect of their lives that runs in parallel with your own.  A lot of my followers have come from a broken relationship or marriage, largely due an affair.

The feelings that pour out on those blogs are all too familiar but I wanted to share why I think you can come through it.  I’m no expert, I just have first hand experience.   I have learnt a lot, so I am going to type it up in the home some of you can try and look through where you are right now, and see where you will be.

Nobody can tell you how to react, everyone reacts differently but the theme remains the same.  Betrayal, a complete shock and the feeling of being totally let down by someone you assumed would never do it.   You choose to be in a relationship with someone you have a mutual respect with, someone you want to do everything with.  When you discover they are not that person, there is natural shock.

There are different levels of an affair, depending on whether you are married, have children etc.  But and affair is an affair none the less.   It causes a lot of pain and sadly causes you to question yourself as a person.   That is the other level of an affair you see, the fact that it reflects on yourself.  What have been people been thinking behind your back?  Do people now assume you are bad in bed?  Am I boring?  Was I not good enough?   The questions go on and on, and it is our human nature to try and reason with something we cannot take in.  In reality though, there is no answer, the person who had the affair did it for their own reasons.

They will always try and justify what happened with those reasons, but ultimately they decided to do it.  In everyone’s life there are crossroads, and different paths leading from them.  They were at that crossroad, do they have an affair or not?  That is their decision alone, and you yourself have no bearing on that decision.  You will be told it was a mistake, it just happened, they were lonely and other such excuses.  All excuses, no blame on yourself.

How do you react though?  It is natural to be devastated, and for it to be constantly on your mind.   Whether you hate that person is to be decided, but we all miss a trick in that we need to instantly protect ourselves.   You will be swamped with support from everyone but sadly, nobody truly knows how you feel.  There is a social perception of obvious feelings but each and every person is different.   If you had lower self esteem than another person perhaps, then you would be affected more.

I suppose I was lucky, I had suspected for quite some time so when it finally all came out it was a relief. Finding out all the actual facts was the hard part.

Reading some of your blogs, there is pure pain in your posts.  Time does heal, but a lot of these posts are people hanging on to the fact that the relationship can recover.  If you can make it work, then fair play to you.  But, sadly, it will never be the same as a line has been crossed.   That person has done the unthinkable, if you take them back can you ever truly move on like nothing has happened?   I had the option to make a go of it (her words not mine), but no thank you.  The person who had the affair, once you have forgiven, will never quite respect you again because they got forgiven!  In effect, they got away with it.

Anyone that can move on from an affair, I wish you the absolute best luck in the world.  But anyone struggling, stop beating yourself up every day.  You cannot change what has happened and it doesn’t need to destroy you.  It also doesn’t need to give you any trust issues with future relationships.   Remember they did it, not you.  The self esteem issues are their own.

Find yourself a distraction, and repair yourself.  The world is a big beautiful place, put yourself back out there.  I will be, but only when I can afford it!