Tag Archives: confidence

Was it ever good enough?

There are times, after the split and divorce, where I have to wonder if what I had to offer was simply not enough.  Remember for last Christmas her partner bought her a 14K car.  He also moved her into his 4 bedroom ‘marital home’, the same home she was after from the start, and then fully redecorated from scratch to her standards and requests (demands).

He also employs her as an assistant, and now the kids tell me she has a luxury tropical fish tank with her favourite puffer and angel fish in.

Do you know what it feels like?  Everything I said no, or not just yet, is presented on a plate.   In my world we had real life, kids and bills to pay.  Everything came with time, in fact she had 3 new cars to my one.  I have to admit though, I thought I had done extremely well to provide everything for my family, but evidently it was not enough.

However, she fails to see the bigger picture.  Her partner’s wife, once divorced, was very vocal about how relieved she was to get away from his controlling ways.  Employing her, giving her a car, providing a home where her name isn’t on it at all is controlling.  In effect, he could take it all away in a heartbeat and secretly I do hope that happens one day.

I have to wonder if I had backed down and said yes to everything, would she have not cheated?  Of course she would have, her nature would not have changed.  It was only a matter of time, but it doesn’t stop a little bit of resentment on my part watching her swan around like Lady Muck.

I think my house is ok, and my kids love it.  I spoke to them the other day about if daddy ever wins some money on the lottery, that we will move to a nicer home and they both demanded we stay here.  The house is still very much their security I guess.

There is only so much you can do, if someone is always looking for something better then you are fighting a lost cause.   I never feel jealous of her lavish new lifestyle, just very bitter based on my daily struggle to make ends meet.   Today I had to replace some clothes for the kids, and get a gift for a party.  The ex saw them, commented, no offer of paying half as usual.

It is honestly like she left this life behind and just started a new one, left the house / me/ friends and just got new ones.

One day though, I would love to see envy in her eyes.  If only for my personal gratification.

For the next person that I choose to share my life with, I will most definetly be good enough.