Recently I have seen a spate of desperate souls make the ultimate choice when it comes to debt, they can’t cope any more and the world loses another poor victim. I read this article recently, made me very sad for numerous reasons as some were the same as my own. The debt and the refusal of an ex to sign divorce papers.
I remember all of this of course, the increase on your debt by the payment to solicitors to try and force a childish, selfish estranged partner to let you go. But the key to all this, it is always debt. Debt is the one thing that truly wont go away, there is always someone on your back. This is where the world just does not help, there are many places who assist with the debt, but nobody truly is there to say “hold on there, just leave him be for a while, can’t you see he is in real trouble here?” No…that does not exist. Businesses want their money back, nothing wrong with that though, they are owed that money.
What I find unacceptable, and from personal experience, is when you take the time to try and explain you are not avoiding paying the debt, you are trying to explain that your personal circumstances are in such a terrible state that you need some space. There is just no flexibility in the world, sadly a lot of the problems are caused by the people who don’t want to pay their debt.
When your world is collapsing, and you are fighting for everything and trying to hold a family together…the threat of the debt drops down the list. Unfortunately, it only drops down the list for you. The people who want your money look at you as avoiding payment.
I would not change how I played any of this, I did my absolute best. There were desperate desperate times, times I was so low I didn’t know what to do. The sick fear of the postman coming, the stomach wrenching moments when the phone rang over and over again. The threats that got worse and worse, and then the fact you knew you had had enough. I knew when that was, my kids kept me going. You just want to get everyone in one room and shout “Enough, please, I have nothing to give you right now, just give me some time please”.
The one part I learned and I will always advise this – speak up. Do not hide, I did and it got worse. Debt brings shame, we all know this. My blog has always been written in the hope someone, who is in the position I was, reads it all and knows they have a kindred spirit. There is advise on where to go, who can and cannot help you, ways to reduce the debt and so on. But, you cannot make someone ask for help. I found it so very difficult to do it.
When I keep reading about people taking their own lives, swamped by debt, I wish they had read my blog. I wish I could have spoken with them and told them how to gradually make it stop. But, sadly it is always too late.
Not for the companies who hound you day and night though, or their debt collecting firms they pass the debt on to. No, onto the next poor soul to destroy.
When will the companies learn, perhaps when the tables turn.
Until then, anyone out there, there is always a way out. It may be a small way, but there is a way. I have been there, there is nothing more valuable that your life. If you lose everything, you start again.
If you end everything, you have achieved nothing.