Tag Archives: friends

Deluded friend

Hi all

Again been busy with work and travelling, this time Poland.  I admit I went with trepidation as I expected the worst but what a lovely city Warsaw is.  It was nice to relax for a few days.   The blog does get left a bit nowadays but things should settle soon enough, work has been ultra busy but that is always good.

So, I have managed some gym sessions recently and saw a friend I haven’t seen for a long time.  Nice guy but makes bad decisions, I mean my history isn’t amazing but this guy takes the biscuit.  Years ago we were working on the same sorting aisle at the Royal Mail, on my final week he was fired!   Fired for theft actually, for stealing money from cards.   When you heard why, you had to wonder how someone can let themselves be so controlled that they need extra money.  So why did he do it?  Well he met a girl who dreamed of champagne lifestyle yet he was on a fish and chip budget.  He went and promised her the world and had to steal to fund it, silly silly boy.  Inevitably, when the money stopped, she left him.  Sounds a bit like my ex actually!

So, back to the gym.  I saw him and had a good catch up and quite by chance we got onto finances where I explained what a nightmare I had had (without the finer details obviously) with the HMRC.  His eyes widened as he listened to how I managed to finally get out of it and then he butted it with “The HMRC are after me”.

Oh my poor boy, pray tell why?  So, he was self-employed for a while and then gave it up but didn’t factor in he would still have to pay tax.  He owes £15,000, which compared to what I owed them didn’t faze me at all.   He explained how he had ignored every letter and it didn’t matter as they all went to his parents address and he didn’t live there.

I tried to give him the words of wisdom needed, wisdom gained from personal experience as you all know.  They will find you I said, they will turn up at your parents address and so forth.   I felt sorry for him until I asked him if he had anything to sell, his reply was this:

“Nope, only my brand new Jag”.

Pardon me?   the brand new top of the range Jaguar sports car you are driving?   I asked why he didn’t sell the 40 grand car, pay off the HMRC and still then have enough for a top of the range car.  Sadly his reply is unprintable but along the lines of why should he.

You see, this is my big issue, why was I persecuted to the point of breakdown when I was actually making payments and had paid back an obscene amount of money yet this guy is giving them the middle finger and living the high life.  My issue is that the HMRC fails to treat everyone the same, I was once told they will target you more if they feel you have the money.  That is why they were on my case every single week.

My own ethics don’t allow me to tip them off, but I would love to.  I lost respect for him then and there, I struggled for years.

But, the poor deluded fool truly believes it will be this way forever.  It won’t…they will find you and they will take your car.

You cannot hide forever.

selfless act

Another couple of days spent hunting for answers to the financial predicament, but in a lot of cases of seemingly lost causes an answer presents itself.

I can’t accept this offer/answer though, on account of pride, but this act does highlight that people do a) care and b) want to help.  The reasons were so genuine, they didn’t want to see me down and struggling.  You can guess, someone offered to get me a loan.

Yes, it would fix the smaller issue and push the HMRC back for a few months on the larger outstanding debt but….I could not accept.  I had to be completely honest, I would be in no position to pay it back for 8-12 months which is completely unfair.  Why should someone else put themselves into debt to bail me out?

No, I had to be an adult and decline despite every bit of screaming do it!  But, you wouldn’t put a plaster on a wound that required stitches would you?  Nor can I paper over a temporary crack.  It would be a quick fix only, and then the threatening letters would start again and I would already have an additional loan to pay back.

What makes this more remarkable though is this person is not in any way affluent.  The loan offer was made because they have excellent credit history, and thus would get a loan.  How selfless is that?

It shows as well, don’t hide yourself away, open up and see who wants to help.  Some people will stick their nose up in the air (and they do) but others will want to help.  Perhaps I need to swallow my pride and open up to my family.

We will see…

Brief restbite from the real world

I was lucky enough to be on the VIP guest list at a world famous beer festival yesterday, which is normally not something I would attend.  I rarely drink, out of choice and it saves me money!   But I had a really brilliant time, so brilliant in fact I can’t remember most of it!  long time since I have had a hangover like this one, almost like being 18 again!

But, it served a purpose going there.  It gave me a chance to catch up with mates, it didn’t cost me anything but the train fare, and it also allowed me to briefly forget what has been going on.

It was interesting though, one of the chaps who attended opened up when he was drunk about his wife had left him and he was having a terrible time.  Made a change to listen to someone else, although his was not money related problems I could totally empathise with his marriage issues.

To highlight my problem though, one of the other guys (really nice guy actually) inherits millions when his parents die.   That is one hell of an inheritance!  I tried to become his best friend!  I’m joking, I wouldn’t do that..but millions of pounds overnight, wow.

Checked my lottery ticket just in case I inherited millions, not a bean!

Tomorrow is a new day, going to use it to find other ways to make extra money.  I have some spare evenings, there must be something I can do right?

It’s no using hiding, we’ll find you – Part 1

There is such a stigma with failure isn’t there?  Everyone wants to be a success, and have the best of everything but what do you do when you perceive everyone else is doing better than you?  In reality, they probably aren’t but when you are in such a hole, everything seems so much worse.

It is bad enough knowing you have debt, and hardly any spare funds.  You find excuses not to go out, not to buy new clothes, you miss key events etc and so forth.  You miss them as you need to save money but also because you cannot face people.  Oh the face you put on when forced to confront family and friends.  I think friends don’t notice any difference but close family certainly do.

The problem for me is I am the oldest of 4 children, and thus should set an example.  I felt such shame, I still do.   It took me a long time to admit to my family I was in real trouble with money, but the delay was not just down to embarrassment.  The marriage nightmare catapulted into the public eye once again, despite me wanting to keep myself to myself.  But, when the affair came out, everyone had advice and wanted to console me.  But how did I feel, humiliated even further.  Anyone that is on the end of an affair suffers humiliation and never let any psychologist tell you anything different.  When someone rejects you for another, you have questions as to why they are a better choice.  And remember my readers, the affair had no direct relationship to the debt.

So there I was, the perceived black sheep of the family.  My own family was breaking apart, and I had to keep the front up of being ok.  To be fair, I am very good at that, but mostly to make sure none of my personal crisis’ had any impact on my job.  That worked, nobody had any clue at any of my jobs unless I told them.  I would be good at acting I think.

As the separation and divorce progressed, I knew I would have to admit the debt too.  But you must try to understand, I had a great life.  No debt, a nice home and lovely family.  But that had changed so drastically, I felt it was too much for my family at the beginning.

When I did tell them, it spilled out like marbles from my pocket.   However, I still held back some of the debt figures, those I felt I could deal with myself.  The debt I told them about was the huge HMRC debt I owed.  I say huge, I owed them 100K at one point and had somehow cleared 87K on my own.  Later in the blog I will explain how I did that. 

My family leant me the 13K to clear the immediate debt, I should have gone to them earlier.  Do I feel better, no, I still owe 13K, but my family doesn’t threaten me every week.  And that we will discuss in part 2.