So, I bottled it. I went round to my parent’s place and was all ready to talk to them but the timing was somehow not there. Normally my kids go and play but yesterday they wanted to play games with Nana!
Ordinarily I get asked questions about how it is going, am I still being hassled by the HMRC, can they help somehow etc. I had planned my replies to the expected questions but they somehow never came along. So I will do it tomorrow.
I think I am more comfortable doing it over the phone, which may sound odd to some of you. But try to look it from my perspective, it is very uncomfortable to ask. Mentioned the shame element many times, at least on the phone I can hide my face and emotion. I am very much a closed book and, prior to this blog, barely anyone knew anything about myself or my situation.
I can have everything written down too, to chat over the phone. Then I don’t get distracted, or side tracked. I need to just be honest and get it over with.
When you are in debt, and trying to find a way out, you will find yourselves in so many uncomfortable positions. Meetings that you do not want to be in, multiple forms you do not want to be filling in, your personal and financial life being probed and questioned. The thing about being in debt is it so much more about just being skint, it is very very intrusive. But, as intrusive as it is, you are still able to manage who in your inner circle knows. Other than the dreaded brown envelopes, there is no other way of people finding out unless they have a real reason to look at you.
That is why it is difficult to actually admit to family and friends. You are almost breaking your own code of secrecy but needs must, I am out of options.
Therefore, tomorrow, I will do it.