Tag Archives: standards

Was it ever good enough?

There are times, after the split and divorce, where I have to wonder if what I had to offer was simply not enough.  Remember for last Christmas her partner bought her a 14K car.  He also moved her into his 4 bedroom ‘marital home’, the same home she was after from the start, and then fully redecorated from scratch to her standards and requests (demands).

He also employs her as an assistant, and now the kids tell me she has a luxury tropical fish tank with her favourite puffer and angel fish in.

Do you know what it feels like?  Everything I said no, or not just yet, is presented on a plate.   In my world we had real life, kids and bills to pay.  Everything came with time, in fact she had 3 new cars to my one.  I have to admit though, I thought I had done extremely well to provide everything for my family, but evidently it was not enough.

However, she fails to see the bigger picture.  Her partner’s wife, once divorced, was very vocal about how relieved she was to get away from his controlling ways.  Employing her, giving her a car, providing a home where her name isn’t on it at all is controlling.  In effect, he could take it all away in a heartbeat and secretly I do hope that happens one day.

I have to wonder if I had backed down and said yes to everything, would she have not cheated?  Of course she would have, her nature would not have changed.  It was only a matter of time, but it doesn’t stop a little bit of resentment on my part watching her swan around like Lady Muck.

I think my house is ok, and my kids love it.  I spoke to them the other day about if daddy ever wins some money on the lottery, that we will move to a nicer home and they both demanded we stay here.  The house is still very much their security I guess.

There is only so much you can do, if someone is always looking for something better then you are fighting a lost cause.   I never feel jealous of her lavish new lifestyle, just very bitter based on my daily struggle to make ends meet.   Today I had to replace some clothes for the kids, and get a gift for a party.  The ex saw them, commented, no offer of paying half as usual.

It is honestly like she left this life behind and just started a new one, left the house / me/ friends and just got new ones.

One day though, I would love to see envy in her eyes.  If only for my personal gratification.

For the next person that I choose to share my life with, I will most definetly be good enough.

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Oh stop being so snooty!

Today’s bank discussion went well, albeit with a few silences and sniffs of disapproval.  The early welcoming and over-exaggerated greeting was soon replaced by grudging assistance.  Now why did this occur?  Well I dared to mention I was teetering on bankruptcy and trying to lower my debtors, and to achieve this I would like my overdraft fees and interest back.

You see, when the floodgates of PPI claims opened a few years back it actually changed the way banks were treated.  The banks were no longer the end gate of dreams and requests, now you could ask for money back for errors.  Traditionally any error with your account was met with a fine and interest, even if it wasn’t your fault.  PPI opened the way for other investigations, which includes the path I decided to take today.

And boy was it not met well.  As soon as I asked for money back it was very unfriendly, let’s call it begrudging customer service.

To be fair, and as stated before, I am not greedy.  I just want help, and what I want is for the money back to be used to pay off my long standing overdraft, and the overdraft removed.  Then I am back to a normal back account, and effectively knock £1500 off my debt.

The bank assistant’s eyebrows raised, “you know for people in your situation (skint you mean!), we can close off your overdraft by way of a loan.  It’s specifically designed for people who cannot get loans”.  Yes, how helpful, but I didn’t ask for a loan, I asked for my money back.  But hey, can I borrow £25,000 on that basis?  No…oh ok then, shame..

Net result, I can find statements 3 years old.  This gives me money owed of £1500.74, which is utterly bizarre as £1500 is the amount of my overdraft.  Perhaps this is a sign my good people of it is meant to be?   Reasoning letter and 3 years of bank statement summaries handed over, and acknowledgement received – you never know, they may ‘misplace it’.  So we will wait and see.

If agreed, and the fact I am asking for the money to clear a debt and not go in my pocket should make it attractive to the bank, it will be a good day seeing no overdraft balance.   £1500 interest and charges in 3 years is a lot of money isn’t it?

Anyone else in this position, give it a go.  What do you have to lose?

moneysavingexpert.com has a brilliant example letter to use.