Tag Archives: work

neglected blog

I envy you bloggers, how do you find the time to do an update every single day?  I started off that way, but the demands of real life have taken over so much since the start of December that this blog has become neglected.

I felt like deleting it actually but I put so much into it that I decided against it, I intend to get back into it more though.  Thing is, what do you do?  Everyone needs an outlet, believe me I want one.  That is the beauty of a blog, a chance to tell the world what is happening without showing your face.

Where are we now?  well, work has been ultra busy and I have had the children more due to the ex continuing her ridiculous home life.   They have more questions, as expected, which I have answered and continued to make them feel safe.  But, with the long work hours and also being a single father there are just not enough hours to sit down and blog.

Been a tough start to 2015 financially too, couple of unexpected bills but you all know I am well used to that!  However, good news, I will be getting my work bonus at the end of March, this will make major inroads into the debt total.  I am desperate to clear it all this year, and desperate to just have my wages and the usual bills.  ‘Tis the dream.

No competition win for 5 weeks either, until yesterday.  Some expensive golf equipment, I hate golf but my brother is very good and loves the sport/hobby.  That is his birthday present sorted then, see how winning things saves you money?

Anyway, the blogging will pick up again.  You have my word!

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time to get on the road

What a busy week, work wise.  Driven over 800 miles and stayed in another hotel, but saw some beautiful scenery.  If you ever visit the UK, I recommend the Pennines.  Beautiful mountain range between Sheffield and Manchester and a pleasurable 22 mile drive.  Apart from the sheer drop on the side of the road that is!

Importantly, it was time away from drama.   She has moved back in with him now and they are working through it, but this causes issues for the kids which I am monitoring obviously.  Instead of dealing with though, it was nice to be away.   Utterly cold up north, but miles from home and just myself.

January has started off so busy with work, everyone wants to plan 2015 which is why I am out and about.  This happens sometimes and I cannot complain.  It dusts off the cobwebs a bit and gives you some peace and quiet.  Sadly, it also caused an unwanted financial burden.  I managed to hit some debris on the way back, hit a tree branch which had blown onto the road from the gales last week.   Quickly obvious something had happened to the car as I had a small vibrate on the steering wheel.  Took it into a garage and I had damaged front tyres, joy.  £150 later….cheers then!

Probably the best time of year to get them done though as it is now winter and snow continues to threaten the UK!

I do need to make use of my working from home contract though and trust my team more, but sadly I take a lot of pride in my work and my team’s performance so I like to check on certain aspects.   However, it does leave me tired so I will make changes.

On a personal level, I continue to make minor admin changes here and there.  I have posted off my final will and testament now too.  This is not as morbid as you think, I have just removed the ex-wife completely from anything if I am removed from this earth!   Now, everything is left to the kids with my parents as guarantors.   This is a sensible move I think, and yet another financial move on my part.

I think all the lessons I have learnt have taught me to bargain, I often query renewal quotes and bills and most of the time they have been reduced forthwith.  This goes back to driving a lot and being away, it gives you time to evaluate situations.

One day there will be no more situations to evaluate, only situations to savour.

Single parenting is a balancing act

Wow, what a week.  Utterly flown by, made harder by the children being off for Half Term.   Co-ordinating this event is hard enough as I have to work out where I will be with work, whether the ex-wife can accommodate, what the kids want to do and it goes on.  I used to love Half Term when in a stable relationship, it was a chance to have family time.  Now, it’s more about balancing everything to make sure the kids have a nice time.

However, balancing is only done on my part.   It hasn’t just been work this week, I have had a mountain of paperwork to do for this meeting today, I have also had to have painful dental work and of course, do my job!   It has been co-ordinated well until yesterday when my son had to finish his football early to attend a party in the afternoon.  It seems asking my ex-wife to head out on her lunch hour to collect him and drop him back to me was apparently as impossible as re-inventing the wheel.  All I need sometimes, is a little help.

I take my job as a parent very seriously, even more so since being a single parent.  As much as you think you do a great job though, there are still times you need help.  It is simple impossible to do everything yourself, there are just never enough hours in the day and there will always be timing clashes.

I have always been careful to make sure work has not been affected and I am incredibly lucky (not a word I use often with my life!) to be able to work from home a few times a week.  Sometimes, my worlds do come close to colliding though.

What else I find amazing, is the perceived roles of a single parent.  I will do anything for my kids but my ex will do the glory days but I am still expected to pay for everything major.  I am never tight, but it was her decision to leave and the children are ultimately both of our responsibilities, expect for the bills it seems?

I need to be clear, I am not here to slate my ex wife but I am here to give everyone a clear vision of what it is like to balance being a single dad, and to try and achieve everything on very little money.  So my point is when did it become the responsibility of one parent to do all admin, all bills, all treats and be the voice of reason?

I am mid life now, this is not how I envisioned my life to be at this stage.   My children are as happy as they can be now though, and miss out on nothing.  But the more I try and resolve this debt, and the busier my job gets I need to start getting some real help or the balance of work v family will ultimately fail.

Utterly exhausted

Well, it happened, I collapsed.  Not literally in the street, but when I got home.  I think my mind and body had had enough and decided it was time to take a break.

As you all know, the worry of debt and trying to run a house/looking after my children whilst doing my job has been hard.  Made even harder recently by the constant demands from my debtors.  I do not sleep very well, I rarely do in fact.  I wake far too early and cannot sleep, something I have to resolve one way or another.

Yesterday though, I had to drive over 500 miles in a day for work.  Did it but 100 miles from home I knew I was in trouble, my head was thumping and my eyes hurt.  Stopped for a while but couldn’t wait to get home, which seemed to take an eternity.  The additional hazard of torrential rain didn’t help either as I was forced to concentrate even more.

Finally got home as darkness was setting in, quite literally stumbled through the door.  I think my dog knew I was in trouble as he came straight up to me and nudged me.  It was evident a migraine was coming, only my second ever one.  I could barely stand up.

Made a decision to go upstairs for a lay down, didn’t even bother to get undressed.  The dog followed me, turned the lights out and lay down.  Woke up at 2am!!!  I had laid down at 7.30pm…what the hell happened?  My suit was creased to hell, and the dog was licking my head.  My body was aching and I was utterly exhausted.

I think there comes a point where all the front, effort, and upset takes its toll.  I am glad it happened when I was in on my own too.  Clearly it shows that you need to take time out from everything and relax.  It also demonstrates how constant hounding from people (hmrc) can push you to this brink of shut down.

It’s also very evident that if you are on your own, as in not in a full-time relationship, nobody looks out for you.   I’ve taken it as a wake up call, I need to find a way to recharge although I fear I will never truly relax until my debt is clear.